We’ve been dating for a while and I don’t know if I want to continue

Sometimes friends and family can give predictable advice. After all, they want to protect you. But your feelings, or your partner’s, pull you in a different direction.

Who do you turn to for good ‘fatherly’ or ‘motherly’ perspective and advice, other than family?

A relationship expert who is helping countless couples every week may be the place to start. Often this involves only one to a few sessions and can be a huge help in making big decisions. If the final decision is to separate, separation counselling can make the process amicable and respectful.

I’m at breaking point. Should I leave or stay?

Partners consider separation for many reasons. These include growing apart, communication breakdown, abuse and the accumulation of resentment. A partner may wonder, “Is it worth staying?”.

Couples counselling with one of our marriage counsellors can provide a safe and controlled forum if you are both willing to talk. You will at least have the satisfaction that you tried everything and left no stone unturned.

If that is too difficult emotionally, personal counselling can help clear your head. Or, it may help you assess the level of abuse in the relationship and the extent of the emotional damage. This can help prepare you to leave a destructive marriage.

We separated badly. How do I cope?

This is heart-wrenching. Sometimes a partner leaves without explaining why. Sometimes there is an affair. There will be past hurts and resentment.

This can trigger a range of reactions:

• Was it my fault?

• How will I cope?

• It feels like my life has ended.

Personal counselling can provide a safe place to work through all the above. It will be important to develop self-compassion, self-care and healthy coping strategies. Eventually, you can redefine meaning and purpose in your life.

Do you do meditation to help with finances and parenting?

We recommend you seek out professional mediation services for financial separation settlements. That is not a service we provide.

However, we can help provide a mediation process for parenting plans. The law in most cases will require you to try mediation before embarking on a legal process. Coming to mutual agreement is preferable to having one imposed by a court. Going to court can be highly adversarial and expensive.

We need help with communication and expectations after separation

Separation counselling can provide mediation for questions such as:

• How do we communicate so that we do not continue fighting?

• Do we need a trusted in-between person for our ongoing communication?

• How do we define our relationship after separation?

• Can we stay friends or only co-parents?

We want our separation or divorce to be amicable

Before or after a couple separate, there may be concerns for how best to manage the impact on the children. Couples may have seen friends separate with ongoing tension and bitterness. They want to ensure they don’t fall into the same trap.

There are healthy ways for a relationship to end. Relationship counselling after divorce counselling can smooth the process. Children may also benefit from seeing a child psychologist to help them process what is happening.  Good divorce counselling can help ensure amicable co-parenting and respectful communication.

We have been separated for ages. My partner wants to get back together. I’m unsure.

It is difficult when partners don’t share the same hopes and motivation for rebuilding the relationship. This is true especially after a long or complex history or after one or more affairs.

However, even at this stage, therapy can break new ground. It can help clear up misunderstandings and bring forgiveness to past wounds. Partners may discover new hope for their relationship.

At the end of the day, the choice to resume after a long separation is something that only the couple can make. Counselling with one of our marriage counsellors can provide a means to make that choice wisely.