Boundaries

  • Are you feeling exhausted and stretched with life’s demands?
  • Does your life seem out of control?
  • Do you feel taken for granted by others?
  • Are you feeling guilty when you say “No”?
  • Is your life always “go on the run” with no time to sit and relax?

If you experience one or more of these symptoms, you most likely you have some boundary issues.

What are Boundaries?

Boundaries are a personal property line that defines who we are  and who we are not. However, boundaries are not being being selfish or rigid.  Boundaries define which responsibilities belong to us and which ones don’t. Having clear boundaries in our lives is essential to have a healthy and balanced life. Lacking boundaries can cause one to burn out, which can cost the individual emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Having boundaries means knowing when to say YES to the good and NO to the bad, so you can take control of your life.

What is the benefit of setting clear boundaries?

Boundaries help us to define ourselves, giving us freedom to do what we want to do within our boundaries. Boundaries also help us to reduce unnecessary problems or resolve issues in the relationships with others, with a spouse/partner, children/adolescents/adult children, parents, in-laws, co-workers, friends, or within yourself. Having clear boundaries will increase care, respect and assurance in the relationships.

Types  of boundaries

There are four areas of our life that need boundaries  (Cloud & Townsend):

  • Physical boundaries help us to set appropriate physical limits
  • Emotional boundaries help us to be in control of our own emotions and not trapped into harmful and manipulative emotion of others.
  • Mental boundaries give us the freedom to guard our own thoughts and opinions
  • Spiritual boundaries help us to differentiate between God’s will and our own will, and taking responsibilities

Some of the boundaries  issues that will be dealt with in Counselling are:

  • Recognising boundary issues
  • Dealing with boundary problems
  • Exploring the cause of lacking of boundaries
  • Understanding healthy boundaries, when to say ‘Yes’ and when to say ‘No';
  • Learning how to respect yourself and being in control of your life
  • Understanding responsibility for self and responsibility to others
  • Changing the wrong belief systems related to lack of boundaries
  • Learning how to establish boundaries, including personal boundaries, boundaries with others, working through conflicts, etc.
  • Dealing with the impact of setting clear boundaries, e.g. feeling bad and guilty, blamed, etc.

Boundaries  give us the freedom to walk as a loving, caring, respected, fulfilled  individual.