Abuse / Domestic Violence
By Magdalena Liem
Sometimes it is difficult to believe that a place that is supposedly called “home sweet home” can be a centre of Violence. Domestic Violence is different from a heated domestic argument. Domestic Violence is a persistent or on going use of physical, sexual, verbal, emotional, social, economic, psychological and spiritual abuse that results in chronic fear and damage to the victim. Domestic Violence occurs when a family member uses abuse to have power and control over another family member - a spouse, a partner or children. Children who live in a home where there is domestic violence, either receiving direct abuse or witnessing an abuse, are victims of Domestic Violence.
There are so many myths surrounding Domestic Violence, for instance:
- Violence occurs because the other person provokes
- Alcohol is the cause of violence
- Violence is caused by stress
- Violence happens mostly in poor family’s homes
- And many more
However, the violence is the issue, not the provocation. Domestic Violence also occurs regardless of cultural background, level of family income or spiritual beliefs.
There are different types of abuse, where the victim can experience one or multiple types, such as:
- Physical abuse involves not just hitting or bruising, but also can be in the form of throwing or damaging objects, lack of physical consideration, etc.
- Sexual abuse includes not only injury during sex or rape, but also degrading jokes, coercing consent for sex, unwanted touching, forcing unwanted sexual practices, etc.
- Verbal abuse includes snide jokes, blaming, constant haranguing, constant criticism, belittling, etc.
- Emotional abuse often involves “crazy making”, using children, making the victim appear unstable, etc.
- Social abuse is isolating the victim from family and friends, ringing constantly to check up, following, smothering, accounting for time, etc.
- Economic abuse can be in the form of giving the victim all the money and expecting them to do everything, and then criticising, questioning or checking all financial matters, or making the victim beg for money to run the household, or keeping all family assets under one’s name.
- Psychological abuse is often in the form of mind games, words or behaviour intended to destroy the victim’s feeling of self-worth and self-confidence.
- Spiritual abuse includes quoting religious books to depower the victim or to deprive the victim of their sense of self and identity, etc.
Where can people get help?
Nowadays, there are many resources to assist victims and perpetrators of abuse. However, coming forward to get some help is not always an easy step for both the victim and the perpetrator. Some of the hindrances to get some help include shame, guilt, embarrassment, cultural issues, spiritual beliefs, etc.
Counselling can help both the victim and the perpetrator of abuse.
Working with the victim normally involves:
- Creating safety
- Understanding the abuse and its cycle
- Empowering them
- Building their self-worth and self-confidence
- Building a better future
Working with the perpetrator involves:
- Understanding their cues and triggers of their abusive behaviour
- Working through their frustration and anger
- Changing their beliefs
- Promoting self-responsibility of their feelings and behaviour
- Planning new actions to prevent relapse
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Enquiries: 9683 1444
Ring us and we will recommend the best counsellor qualified and experienced for your situation.
Bridges Counselling - a team of ten counsellors based in North Parramatta, specialising in:
We are open weekdays 9am - 9pm, Sat 8am - 6pm.
Our 5-room counselling centre is centrally located close to Parramatta, Carlingford and Baulkham Hills. See Location page.
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