Bridges Counselling - Christian Marriage Relationship Counsellors Parramatta Sydney

Communication

Some thoughts by David Bridges

Communication is the most cited problem by couples in marriage counselling. Related to it is conflict resolution, and a breakdown in mutual understanding and respect. The simplest patterns include attack-attack, pursue-withdraw, and withdraw-withdraw.

Healthy Communication

What does healthy communication look like? A very basic model is the following:

  • the first person shares their perspective, their reality
  • the second person listens and acknowledges
  • the first person shares the next piece of their story
  • the second listens and acknowledges
  • this continues until the first person feels understood
  • the second person reacts or responds
  • the first listens and acknowledges
  • the second person continues until they feel understood
  • the above repeats

Blocks to Communication

There are many reasons why the above is blocked or derailed:

  • emotions are overwhelming or out of control
  • not being in touch with inner feelings
  • not being able to own inner feelings
  • not being able to share inner feelings due to fear or shame
  • not being able to quarantine past hurt or abandonment
  • not having worked through past pain, abuse or trauma
  • unrealistic expectations learnt from the past

How Couples Therapy can help

What couples therapy can provide is a near-real-life setting for a couple to safely experience new breakthroughs in communication, guided by the couples counsellor. This often comes when one or both share at a deeper vulnerable or authentic level. Then negative patterns can be replaced by healthy patterns.

While this may sound simple, in reality the blocks described above may take to time work through, especially when abuse or negative patterns have been going on for years.

If a couple discovers they can deeply and authentically relate again, they can start to resolve most or all issues on their own. The couples therapist has worked themselves out of a job, other than to provide a safety net for the couple.

 

Ring Bridges Counselling for help for all problems with communication.

Bridges Counselling - Hills Parramatta

Enquiries: 0415 752 544

Email: dbridges2@gmail.com

You will be recommended a choice of counsellors qualified and experienced for your situation.

Bridges Counselling is a team of professional counsellors and psychologists in Parramatta, Sydney, specialising in individual, marriage, relationship & family counselling.