Infidelity

Some thoughts by David Bridges

Affairs, infidelity, betrayal and broken trust - these themes are common in the community and in counselling.

The discovery of betrayal

The discovery of betrayal can be highly traumatising. The relationship can become chaotic and a wild roller coaster ride. By the time a couple comes to counselling, there is usually a consensus to 'work things through'. This involves working though layers and questions: what really happened?, what else have you lied about?, why did you do it?, do you really love me?, do I really want to continue with you?, and what where the genuine cracks in our relationship that we didn't address?

Reactions to betrayal

At the heart is broken trust. And the questions haunt: Can I ever recover my trust in you? How do I know you won't do it again? I'm now struggling with inadequacy, obsessive memories, over-reactions, and guilt for how I may have brought this on.

One night stands may be the simplest to work through and forgive. When a long term pattern of betrayal is discovered, the exposed person is often relieved they are no longer living a double life. Letting go of an affair may seem impossible, as the emotional bonding may run deep.

How counselling can help

Every couple who struggles with healing after betrayal, has a different journey. There are some general stages that counselling can help with:

• containing the collateral damage and over-reactions after discovery of a betrayal or affair
• honestly answering questions from the betrayed, as a start to rebuilding trust
• understanding and grieving over the damage and hurt done to the partner
• understanding the story and meaning of the affair
• building a track record of willing accountability and honesty
• accepting and working though the aftershocks that will inevitable come
• building over time, new patterns of closeness, enjoyment and intimacy

Many who persevere lay a new foundation, and find their new relationship is more solid, marked by deep mutual understanding, and a more mature sharing and intimacy then they could ever have imagined.

Ring Bridges Counselling for help with finding hope and healing after broken trust.

Enquiries: 0415 752 544

Email: dbridges2@gmail.com

You will be recommended a choice of counsellors qualified and experienced for your situation.

Bridges Counselling is a team of professional counsellors and psychologists in Parramatta, Sydney, specialising in individual, marriage, relationship & family counselling.