Bridges Counselling - Christian Marriage Relationship Counsellors Parramatta Sydney

Anger

Some thoughts by Magdalena Liem

All of us have experienced anger at some stage of our lives. Anger is a natural emotion in response to hurt, frustration, violation, bereavement, loss or fear. Therefore, anger is also known as a secondary feeling.

Different people express their anger in different ways, some externalising their anger and others suppressing it. The way we express anger is coloured by what we have learnt from our own upbringing. The issue here is not about which expression is better, but how we handle our anger and the impacts of not dealing with our anger appropriately and healthily. Mismanaging anger can cause a very damaging response and can be highly destructive. By not addressing our anger appropriately, sometimes we might take out our anger on those we love, or expressing it in a violent way, or turn it in upon ourselves, which often results in guilt and regrets.

In order to deal with our anger in a healthy way, we need to explore where our anger stems from, and learn what the triggers of our anger are. In another words, understanding ourselves is one of the important keys in managing our anger issues.

Is anger bad?

Anger is not bad, in fact, addressing and expressing anger is healthy. However, the way we express anger can be constructive or destructive for self and others.

What are the effects of anger?

Mismanaging anger can affect not just our emotions, but also:

  • our bodies: heart beats more rapidly, blood pressure rises, more acute hearing, digestive processes are suspended, headaches, a desire to yell out, muscle tension (e.g. fists clenched, shoulders arched), facial colour deepens or pales, etc.
  • our minds: prejudice, prone to depression, can develop obsession and addictions, paranoia, and can even lead to phobias.
  • our behaviours:
    • It can be expressed in the passive way, such as: showing low confidence and self-esteem behaviour, passive aggressive behaviour, manipulative, self-blaming, obsessive behaviour (e.g. needing to be super clean and tidy, demanding perfectionism, etc.), ineffective behaviour, addictive behaviour (alcohol, drugs, food, etc.).
    • It can also be expressed in an aggressive way, such as: using threats, bullying, hurting loved ones (physical violence, verbal abuse, emotional/psychological abuse, financial abuse, social abuse, etc.), destructive behaviour (e.g. destroying objects), become manic (e.g. driving too fast, walking too fast, etc.), vengeful, unpredictable with explosive rage, grandiose (showing off, wanting to be the centre of attention, etc.), and many others.

What triggers anger?

Anger can be, but not always, triggered by:

  • Tiredness
  • Busy-ness or over commitment to things
  • Health issue/illnesses
  • Addictions, such as taking drugs, alcohol, etc.
  • Suffering from acute pain
  • Worn down by chronic pain
  • Rejection
  • Disapproval
  • Fears – rational and irrational
  • Memories or similar experiences from childhood
  • Unresolved issues
  • etc.

How can I deal with my anger?

Some techniques like taking Time-Out and Self-Talk, can help in preventing the escalation of the anger. However, these techniques do not solve the anger. Getting some help from Professional Counselling, will help you:

  • learn what anger is all about
  • explore where your anger stems from
  • look at the patterns of your anger
  • Understand your emotional cycle of anger
  • Look at the triggers of your anger
  • Learn your own cues
  • Learn how to keep calm when faced with outburst
  • Learn how to deal with problems of buried and misdirected anger
  • Learn conflict resolution
  • Look at strategies for preventing the build-up of frustration and anger
  • Learn how to monitor your stress
  • Improve your communication skills
  • Repair the damage in your relationship

Ring Bridges Counselling if you wish to discuss how we may be able to help you.

Bridges Counselling - Hills Parramatta

Enquiries: 0415 752 544

Ring us and you will be recommended a choice of counsellors qualified and experienced for your situation.

Email: info@BridgesCounselling.com.au

Bridges Counselling Parramatta is a team of professional counsellors and psychologists, specialising in marriage, family and individual counselling.